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Satan’s tattoo shop part 1


musclefreak95

What type of tattoo should James get  

112 members have voted

  1. 1. What type of tattoo should James get

    • Should it be demonic with satanic symbols
      39
    • Should it be something fairy like
      7
    • Something from mythology
      52
    • A vicious animal
      14

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  • Poll closed on 05/28/2021 at 11:00 AM

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This is my first story on here so with me luck

James was small for his age, he was 20 but at a height of 5’5 and with a weight of 100lb he looked younger than he actually was. He had been reading in a men’s magazine that many men get tattoos as they make them more manly. So building up the courage he had booked a session at a small local tattoo shop. The day of the appointment had came and he was nervous.

“Why did I think this was a good idea” he muttered to himself as he walking along the pavement head to the floor. James stopped and looked up he had arrived a small store front lay in front of him as black as the night sky with red ascents. With a neon sign saying Satan’s tattoo shop hanging above him James grabbed the handle and pushed it opening the door as he opened it he was wafted with a smell of tattoo ink, sweat and something else James couldn’t quite name the smell. James made his way to a black leather sofa and took a seat around him on the walls lay photos and designs of tattoos of different types some Asian, black and white, some mystical in nature but most with a demonic tone to them. In the back ground there was a strong buzzing sound as some one was getting a tattoo.

Looking up from his phone James notices a shadow even in the dimly lit room of the reception area, he looked up to see a 7 foot tall muscle beast of a man with thighs as big as red wood trees and muscles bigger than any man. “Hi my name is Derek “ he booms in a deep voice

“Hi my names James “ he squeals sinking further into the leather sofa

”nice to meet you James, I saw your name on our list” Derek reaches his muscled arm out to shake James is hand flexing is gigantic arm without meaning to.

Reaching out his hand Jame’s is hand is swamped by the baseball mitt sized hands of Derek “ yea it’s my first session today I’m quite nervous actually “ he says in a high pitched voice

“There’s no need to be nervous “ boomed the muscle beast as he showed James to the tattoo chair “ here we go, take a seat” said Derek in a calm voice 

James sits on the chair as Derek brings up a stool 

“So what are you looking to get?”

That is the end of part 1

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I am well aware of, how easy a typo happens, and "auto-correct" has a tendency to make things even worse. It happens to me all the time. Before voting, I decided, that you must have intended to write "vicious" rather than "viscous", but "viscous" is a very humorous choice within the setting, too. I probably find a viscous animal even more scary than a vicious one. It has the vibe of Howard Philips Lovecraft's writings over it, with unspeakable pseudopods and stygian-spawned tendrils of abysmal horror.

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I would like to see "something from  mythology" a mark that gives him strenght something from Ares the god of War. That would be interesting.

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Mythology was my vote.  Huge muscular semi-Minotaur.  (*swoon*)👍  (*but then I've got a thing for Minotaurs*)

As far as criticism goes, I usually avoid such invitations to criticize but since someone already mentioned the thick oozing beasts issue (i.e. viscous vs vicious),  I'll also mention that proofreading, again, and again before releasing your text goes a long way to eliminating errors.   Errors prove you are human, but don't improve your status as an author.  I suspect that you meant "wafted" instead of "waffled", and I'm pretty sure you meant a "black leather sofa" instead of "black lever sofa".  Yeah, we understood what you meant after reading it a couple times but encountering it while reading is like bird poop hitting your windshield while driving.

The story has a good premise, and your descriptions are nicely varied.  Your flow avoids much of the common mistake of persistent repetitive "Tom said", "Joe said", "Mary said", at the beginning of every sentence. (*drives me up the wall*),  but finding different ways to indicate who is speaking without leaving out so much as to become ambiguous, or getting into the constant naming of speakers, is a skill worthy of honing.  A name now and then helps ground the reader in the conversation but he doesn't need constant verification of who's speaking if the text is crafted thoughtfully.

Otherwise, the story has me hooked.  I want to find out how the tattoo changes him, I want to watch him change, I want to feel his angst, his surprise, his fear, his elation, his lust.  "Please, sir.  Can I have some more." -- Oliver Twist --

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