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Great job, buddy!  That was hot.  I loved how Ivan grew and how he got more excited and confident and cocky as he got bigger and BIGGER.  The dialogue toward the end was fantastic.  I would love to read more.  We never found out just how BIG Ivan was at the end, how tall he was and how much we weighed.  ;)

I'm guessing that English isn't your native language.  Even so I was able to follow the story very well.   You might look into formatting the dialogue, such as using quotation marks " " instead of dashes for he speaking parts. 

Very hot!

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Great effort. I really love Ivan’s dominant speech at the end. 

Por cierto, me da la impresión que tu primera idioma es el español, quizás por el sintaxis. Si es así, a mi me encantaría leer alguna obra tuya en español. Hay un montón de hispanoparlantes que visitan esta página que estarían muy agradecidos, yo incluso. ¡Gracias!

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Well, I think the name of the story should be "Ivan the Wonderful" :)

I loved the change in Ivan from the shy, small guy to the shy, big guy and then to the confident and dominant big guy.

I'd love to see more!

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Yep, you are right about my english. I would love if you could describe which expressions were accurate. Im trying to improve.

 

y si, voy a traducir estos cuentos al castellano. Vamos a ver cómo funcionan en español.

 

gracias por sus comentarios. Cualquier crítica es agradecida.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Te quedó muy buena!.

No fue larga ni excesivamente descriptiva. Creo que estuvo en su punto justo, lo cual a mi gusto fue ideal. Y por sobretodo aun asi lograste captar ese cambio en la personalidad de Ivan. Solo que tengo una duda, que no se si esta explicada o la perdi en el ingles, pero que fue lo que hace crecer tanto al muchacho?.

Pronto quiero verla en Español

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